Monday, February 13, 2017

I Am Such A Moron For Being Single On Valentines Day

Being single and without love on valentines day is not a punishment from all the guys you had feelings for, but don't share them. It just can feel that way February 14th.

It's 2017 and I am single. Why? If I'm waking up 35 and single on valentines day, it is I that I blame. The moron that I am. Or maybe I never loved myself.

We are only as good of a person to ourselves as others has shown us how to be. Then you feel pain and grow and discover your path finding examples and learning, you start your new life apart from how others feel about you.

Just don't mistake someones dislike for themselves as dislike for you.

It may seem almost impossible to love yourself. At any given moment you can find many people who cannot love you, but it is up to you to decide if your worth loving yourself and why.

In the past I sought many fleating ways to find love.  A beautiful body. Expensive clothes. Dept and more dept. Staying in an job too long to support that dept. All this would land me love, it didn't instead I grew and felt pain. The only thing I never tried was loving myself.

We all will love and fall in love with someone one day. The person I loved in action and not just feelings, I met on my cross country team in high school. You can't stop how you feel about someone you just know you feel that way. I also somehow knew that it wasn't reciprocal and now I know that the love I felt was a seed planted from need. Love for someone based on need is never fair to the other person, it is a harmful and destructive type of love, mainly to yourself, and a dead end when it is all said and done.

Love is not pure if it is coming from a place of need. I later reconnected with my high school crush.  I told him I think God uses you to teach women the hard lessons they need to learn in life. My lesson I learned from loving him was I saw in myself through him that I did not love myself.

I alowed myself to be destroyed. I needed to destroy my old self so the new me could be born. I am so thankful it was him, he was a gracious teacher. I saw myself through him that I was and have never have been strong enough to stand alone in who I was.

Many of us are like eggs that fell out of the nest too early and struggle to hatch so we can live life as a adult bird. We know we are hungry, but we can't look to moma bird or stray birds to feed us we need to learn to feed ourselves or become prey.

I have been running away from myself all my life. I run to myself and it is a very lonely painful sad and dark place. I am shining the light in my own darkness.

No one is coming to save me. I am the hero in my own story and we all are sometimes.  Some of us we may in fact walk this life alone and may never be loved by another human, just don't live not ever learning to love yourself.

If you are spending Valentines day single and alone think of these thoughts.  It's not a day to exploit you for being single though it may feel that way. It is better to be alone than a bad relationship. Real life is never like the Walt Disney romance movies you may have believed in when you where a wee one.

Valentines day is a marketing force and yes it is unavoidable. I promise you when you heal you will look over the red pink and white in stores. You will say to yourself, it may or my not be my turn to be loved one day, but I love myself. Roses chocolates and stuffed animals and poetry can wait till then.

O yes and I am selfish. So selfish I will and may write my own card to myself with roses and chocolates on V-Day. Everyone that I left in all my romantic relationships and left me did it for themselves. We can do for ourselves on this day too.

So if your single on Valentines day, you have a lot to do and think about.

• Treat yourself to a nice bubble bath. Face your fears. If your afraid to be alone ask yourself why.

• Make it a day to celebrate everything you love. If you can't find someone you love find something you love to do and let it consume you.

• Take a friends dog or your own for a walk. Give them a treat.

• Take a friend to dinner, remember your not alone we have a lot in common more than we have that separates us.

• Write a love song, post it on your social media, visit the nursing home and sing for then.

• Get creative,  this a great time to reach out to people you know who might need to vent.

• Be gentle with yourself, you may be your harshest critic.

One day I woke up from my dream I was living and found no one loved me. My beauty was fading and nothing I ever tried would bring me the love I needed. So I faced my darkness and started to love me