Breaking The Habit Of Loving Through Rejection
The person I loved, I use to miss him and wanted to see him again...I waited a year and now I have moved on. When I was with him I didn't have a voice. His rejection hurt. His love was something I was trying to earn.
Love allows your existence. Love speaks to you. Love doesn't shut the door when you're near.
I was someone to help steer his boat, then once he found his copilot I would be tossed into the sea to drown or swim alone to try and save my life.
Love doesn't ask you to make that sacrifice. Love meets you everyday where your at. Love doesn't tell you your not good enough. Love gives you something to build from.
When with you I only shed tears, felt pain, felt more lonely, and unlovable. How did I think I ever loved you?
Maybe that's all I have ever known love to be, from mom to dad to friends and now you. If this is love then I say now " No thank you".
I have picked up the pieces of whatever was left of me with self love and care.
I strongly believe love with be different next time for me. It will feel and look similar to the love I am giving myself and I'll know you are not lost in your mind from your past.
You will want and be with me in the present moment, because you have faced every part of you that was hard to find.
From loving you when you could never love me, I was able to find myself every nook and cranny everything I had shut the door to.
I was not ready to really be loved so that's why I loved you knowing you couldn't love me. I couldn't keep going with this kind of love for you, it was bad for my heart soul mind and self worth.
While you don't care about all this that I have written, and I'm not on your mind, it still was a part of my story and has meaning to me about that time when I was so lost in loving the wrong way.
I didn't want to walk life alone, but I must now face myself on my own. I can't keep trying to hide from myself through other people. I have to uncover who I am and just live my life.
No one can save me from my mind. No one is coming to rescue me, like I had hoped you were. I am my own hero and I am saving myself on my own with love I am learning to give myself.