Suicide Was Not The Answer For Me

I was fwb with a guy I really thought I liked and day dreamed about for years. My high school crush. If only I just stay a little longer he will somehow be every thing I had dreamed for, I hoped.

On my way home one day from visiting him for the weekend I felt this emptiness and felt the need to end my life. I didn't tell him, but what I did do is decide I had to find a way to let go and learn to live with myself alone.

You can't change someone's mind on how they feel about you. My life and my choices are my responsibility. I have to love and care about me.

I keep living and it's not easy being this alone in the world, (not that I am alone but alone in not having someone I connect with deeply), but there is help out there for me. I have gone out and gotten it. I also see there are people who feel what I feel too.

I stoped blaming myself for how I loved and forgave myself for betraying my value as a person for the hope and ideation of romantic love with this person and my pattern of continuing to seek out and love people who are unavailable.

I also love him enough to let go of him to find love he needs in his life for himself , it's okay to love someone and do nothing with your love.

My loss of hope is no reason for me to die when there is a lot of good I can do for myself, evolve and change and make a difference in the world.

Once all my hope and reason for living was to be loved romantically was gone....I let that hope go. I found a new reason to wake up every morning.

I gave my life back to Jesus and I don't live for money, romantic love, or materialistic things, but for loving myself
, bettering myself and finding my cause to make the world around me including myself better even if it is small and unnoticeable.


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